Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
