So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
