I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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