Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
