i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I currently don't understand fingers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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