I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
