Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
