Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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