I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
