I cannot find my penis.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
