how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
