Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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