I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
