I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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