Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
