Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
