the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
