WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
