You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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