he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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