I am puke
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
