K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
