so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
