there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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