I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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