When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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