I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so that wasnt chicken after all
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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