Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
