They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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