Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
