Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
