so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
