i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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