The best revenge is premature balding
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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