Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
