just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
