The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
