Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
