are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
