I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I am spending my child support on dildos
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
