It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
