He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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