do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
