i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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