11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
