So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
