You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my shit smells like andre
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
