You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
