she woke up with a sticky ear
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
