So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
