My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
