I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
