btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
